Now what?

mdotm0904

Ex has issued an ultimatum. Give the baby his last name or he sign off parental rights. He says he refuses to parent a child that doesn't have his surname (& that he can have more if he wishes) & if she's his, she needs to have his name. He's threatening to fight me in court from the day she's born if i don't agree to let him sign over his rights or agree to give her his last name. Well, we aren't married. In fact he's still LEGALLY married to someone else! I've already spoken to a lawyer about custody & whether or not she has to have his last name & they said no, she doesn't have to have his last name even if he signs off on the BC. I haven't spoken to the family law attorney about whether or not he'll even BE ABLE to terminate his rights. Because I thought he could only terminate if there were someone else there ready to adopt (so i plan to call her first thing tomorrow morning).

I honestly feel like this whole thing is about control! He's a very controlling & manipulative bully who is quick to threaten court action (as seen in how he deals with his ex) and he's used to having everything his way. So he's trying to force my hand. I realize it's a "simple" issue of the name, and that if he's willing to do all of this then maybe i should just go ahead & concede & give my daughter his name so that we can move on & be one happy co-parenting "family". But the thing is this...WHY SHOULD I?!?! We're not married. Not dating. Haven't seen each other since March. We don't talk. He doesn't ask about the baby and HE'S the one who mentioned terminating parental rights. so obviously he wants out! I also feel like if I were to concede on this one issue it's setting a pattern of him being able to just bully me around, & I don't want to have to deal with that for the rest of my life & i don't want my daughter to think that men are just allowed to treat her any kind of way!

So at this point, I honestly feel stuck. I want my daughter to grow up having a father as I lost mine at age 11. But the whole situation seems volatile & he seems like a toxic person to have to deal with. I mean, he sees his daughter as DISPOSABLE! (i'll sign over my rights, i don't mind, i can have more kids, i mean WHO says that!) 

If i'm being a whiny brat, tell me & i'll take it into consideration that maybe i should give up my name. But i've been thinking about this for weeks & months, so it's not like i'm emotional right now & I just want things my way. I have been weighing the pros & cons for a long time about what's the right thing to do....

Ideas?