Having a hard time

AmandaJordan1985

This all might sound petty but I need to get it all out there.

Despite working out, eating right and basically doing everything in my power, I CANNOT get rid of the fat on my upper arms. Yep, day after day there it is. I haven't worn a tank top in, well, years. I am quite happy with the rest of my body but this I can't get past. I'll never win with it.

I'm really tired of hearing "as soon as you stop looking, someone will come in to your life". I haven't been looking and honestly am starting to think it will never happen. I know I shouldn't be so negative but sometimes I get so lonely I break down in to tears. I have more good days than bad but the bad ones are terrible. Despite being with X for 1.5 years then seeing each other for another year after "breaking up", I feel I haven't been in a real relationship for so long and just really miss the feeling of being a part of a "we". It took a very long time to get over X and now, while i'm enjoying being single, it's hard from time to time.

I think I may have made a rash decision to move. Back in January I came to visit my parents for a month and decided just to stay. Recently I was back in the city I moved from for a week and missed it, my old friends and sister so much. There are pros and cons to each place and my heart is now in both of them.

I am so grateful that I have a year maternity leave. It's nice to know that I will be able to witness a lot of DS's major milestones. Some days though, I just want a break. I don't know how SAHM's do it until their kids go to school.

I'm exhausted from all of this going on in my head.