Remind me that I cant change him.....

Crystal318

Long story short (Well, as short as possible).

My FI is a prescripton pill drug addict. I gave him an ultimatum a few weeks ago to get clean by a certain date or get out. He went to a clinic and got meds to help him detox. They also prescibed him Lexapro and Valium. Well, I watched him detox (and almost die) for about three days straight (for about the fifth time in the past eight months). Then he was "sober" for about a week and last night we went to dinner with my dad and sister and our son. On the way home I noticed that his eyes looked a little glassy but thought nothing of it because the pollen is soooo bad! Then at the stop sign right before our house, I looked over and his head was nodding off. I questioned him and he said that he took three Valiums. By that time we were home (or else I would have had him pull over). Anyways, when we got home he pretty much told me that he was not going to lose his family over drugs and that if I kicked him out he didnt know how he would handle it (implying that he would take his own life). He was ready to leave to blow off some steam and I begged him not to drive. It was pouring rain and by this time the valiums were really kicking in and he could barely hold a conversation or sit up without falling asleep. I was scared he would drive away and get into an accident and hurt himself or someone else. Instead of going for a drive he went for a walk in the pouring rain but before he left he said bye to LO who was sleeping. He went over to his crib and put his hand on him and kissed him so softly and then stared at him like it was the last time he was ever going to see. I really thought he was going to go OD somewhere in a gutter.

This is the really short version of the story.

I emailed him today (I am at work) and I told him that I cant do this anymore and that I need to protect our son. I told him that he cant live with us anymore.

Please help me be strong. Please remind me that I cant change him.

I am just so scared that he will kill himself. I dont think he would do it on purpose but I think that he might take one too many pills. I know that he is killing himself slowly anyways but its like I want to save him so that my son has his father. Its like I want to fix him and make him better so our son can look up to his dad. I know I cant change him but please drill this into my head because sometimes I try to hold onto to that one tiny little string of hope.....

TIA!