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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
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secret society of heartache
I found out I was pregnant on my birthday... can you think of a better gift? I was so excited... because let's face it every women deep down cannot wait to be a mommy! You always hear to wait to tell everybody by the 2 nd trimester but I couldn't wait. My best friend is an ultrasound tech and at 6 weeks I went in and had a ultrasound and got to see the baby and heartbeat! It was amazing and made me feel like this is really going to happen!
My husband and I had to go to Atlanta for work and on the last day I had a crazy pulled muscle in my side... mother's intuition or something I just felt not right. but I knew I had my 8 wk ultrasound and appointment with my doc the next day.
I woke up on Thursday am and knew something was not right...my boobs for the first time did not hurt and I just felt NOT pregnant... I was scared yet in denial. I got to the doc's office and waited patiently for the ultrasound. and my instincts were correct... no heartbeat. My world seemed upside down and I was sad, scared, angry. Just knowing that everything you were so excited for and hoped for gone...
I got the D&C the next day (last friday) and sadly but true it does help the healing process. I locked myself in my room for a couple of days, cried and decided that God has a plan and everything will be alright. I still have an empy feeling and now really appreciate what I got to experience in being pregnant. I just know the next time I am going to relish in every feeling, experience, and emotion. Because being pregnant carrying a precious life is the biggest blessing anybody can have.
Lastly, I understand how hard all this is. How alone I felt, guilty, and even embarrased. But then I started hearing other's stories about how peoples wives, sisters, friends, and daughters all went through this. It's not rare, taboo, or strange. As horrible and sad as it is we are not alone we are a sisterhood who experienced the worst loss possible, but we will get through this with eachother and know we are not alone.
Jess