Intro. (long)

msb79

Hi ladies. I created a new account, so that is why this is post 1. However, this is post 1 on this board.

Long story short, my H and I are currently seperating. It has been a long road to get here. Our relationship has always been very troubled. Looking back, I am embarrased to say that I am one of those women who always thought "he can change.

We have been married 2.5 years, dated for 5 before that. He was married before (7 months) and I was married too (quickie elopment to Vegas when I was 20 - my Brittney Spears marriage! I hardly even think it counts as a marriage honestly...Legally, of course, is another story!).

Anyway, I have been basically living as a single married woman for months now. H is almost never home or comes home very, very late. I work full time as a teacher, have an hour commute, then come home and take care of my DS (best little guy ever).

We have been to a counselor before, but H is very dishonest. We never got anywhere b/c he truly would not admit any wrongdoing on his part. To sum him up, I would say he is: emotionally absent (although he does show my son love), mean, vindictive and unfaithful. Sadly, I have broken into his email after finding the website Ashley Madison on our computer history. He had been communicating through this website. However, as soon as I approached him about it, he claimed that the guys at work did it as a joke - this was obviously not true, but I let it slide. He refused to admit the truth even to our counselor.

We stopped counseling and things have gone from bad to worse. For the past two weeks, we have said maybe three words to each other. The last straw in my mind was when my mom and took my DS out for dinner one afternoon after day care. I had had a very tough day and wanted  a beer and a burger. When we went into the local spot at 4:15, H was siting at the bar. The a** is always telling me he is at work, then I see him at the bar?! I have had enough...

However, I am absolutely petrified of being alone and divorcing. I cannot stomach the thought of handing my son over for time spent with someone else w/o me. I am sure I am having feelings close to every other woman on this board, but I have no friends IRL who have been through this.

Basically, I am a wreck and just wanted to join this board for some advice/support. If you read that all, thank you!