Visitation woes

sapphire angel

I feel horrible sending LO with her dad. He only bothers to come once a month and every time she is getting to be less willing to go near him. This time she refused to come out from behind me so I had to carry her to the car with her refusing to even look in his direction or let him hold her hand. She started screaming as we approached his truck.  Before the hysterics didn't start until she was already in the car seat and realized I wasn't getting into the car.

Is there anything I can do to make this easier for LO? I obviously can't tell Ex to take a hike we don't need him around since he seems determined to play weekend daddy. He has come just short of outright saying his mother is making him come visit. In which case, if he does ever say that I plan on calling his mom to tell her she is welcome to visit without him. She is the only reason I think LO eventually calms down and it is usually her that brings LO back up to my apartment. It then takes almost 2 days before LO starts acting completely normal, as in she runs and hides when someone knocks on the door for about 2 days after every visit.

I will not let Ex have visitation in my apartment. I am not comfortable with that even if LO would be more friendly to his presence. Every where in town that would be appropriate for Ex to take LO, LO has been before with me several times before so the places are not unfamiliar to her (park, zoo, museums, the few restaurants that are cheap enough for his once a month visit, etc...). 

I know the day is very far away, but at what age does the court generally let LO decide whether or not she still sees her dad? Do they even allow LO to have a say eventually?