I haven't been on here in a million years

Sarahgracesc

My divorce will be final next month (fingers crossed everything goes as planned).

Sadly, I don't have anyone IRL that I can talk to about my divorce or how I feel about any of it, etc. And I guess it's been building up because a song came on the radio and I lost it on my way home from school this afternoon.

It was a song that was really popular when STBX and I were dating and moved to FL together, and when we got married a few months later. We listened to it during the drive to FL and then the drives to MI and back to FL when we got married. I think it just reminded me of liking STBX, which I haven't since I found out I was pregnant almost 3 years ago. It was kind of surreal and I just broke down. Which I don't do.

STBX is a pathological liar, incredibly immature, and selfish. I don't want to be with him. I've been so, so happy not being with him. I've lost about 60 pounds, gotten into the best shape of my life (sans the belly I can't get rid of thanks to pregnancy), and even though I'm still in school and living with my parents (which is kind of like torture (every thing I do is judged and undermined. It's a nightmare), I'm still happier than I was when I was with STBX. 

He has a "secret" 21 yuear old girlfriend that he's been lying to me about for months. That's special. But I was more upset about him constantly lying about his feelings than him having a girlfriend. I don't care if he has a girlfriend, quite frankly (thought he's like 14 years older than her...). But he lied to me and everyone he thought would listen about wanting desperately to get back together with me, when in reality, he was already dating someone else. Such a klassy guy.

He wants a second overnight, and when I told him Lu and I aren't ready for that yet (plus his schedule doesn't allow for it...there's only one night a week that he gets out of work before she'd in bed) but he'd be welcome get out of work early one night a week and do dinner with her, and I told him Tuesdays would be perfect for that, he informed me that Tuesdays wouldn't work because that's his favorite bar night (he goes to the bar every night except Lu's overnight). I almost fell over. This is the level of maturity I'm dealing with.

And my mother informed me that even if STBX (it was an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship) gets loud with me and gets in my face, I'm "not allowed" to tell him to leave, since this is her house and she doesn't want him to dislike her. I kid you not.

I'm really sorry. I just had to vent. Especially since twice in the past two days I've had mini breakdowns in my car.

Thanks.