I need some reassurance...(long)

momranda

I recently filed for custody/child support for DS. On the custody paperwork I filed for sole physical custody, not to be spiteful, but because DS lives with me, and currently I am proving sole support for him. BD was served and is now convinced I am trying to keep his son from him, which is not the case at all.In fact on the custody papers I noted that I would like to establish a visitation schedule between BD and myself, so he is able to see DS. I would like this to be established in the courts, to make it legal so neither of us can go back on the agreements.

During my pregnancy he refused to speak to me, and whenever he did just said he would take care of DS IF this was in fact his son. I can understand why he wanted to establish paternity since we broke up shortly before I found out I was pregnant, and we have already completed a DNA test for paternity at this point. However, while I was pregnant he provided zero support. At this point I am simply asking him to be part of his sons life now that it has been established that DS is in fact his, and of course provide the necessary monetary support. 

Currently I am still on maternity leave, and HR screwed up my disability pay, so I will be without pay for the next 4 weeks. I am set financially as far as covering formula, diapers and my living expenses. In April I am moving into a home I recently purchased, and I need the savings I currently have to make some repairs to the home before it is move in ready. Because I have to make these repairs, I will not have the funds to cover the first two weeks of childcare upon returning to work. I asked BD if he can help with this (which after all is pretty fair since hes not paying any child support, or helping with any expenses related to our son) and once I return to work I will have no problem picking up the payments.

Now BD went from being totally cooperative to totally unreasonable. He is accusing me of keeping him from our son, and said he is now going to file a counter suit for joint legal and physical custody. I am totally stressed out now, because this is not going to be a good situation for our son.

BD lives with his parents in a small ranch home. He lives in a musty basement that looks like a frat house, and the entire house is constantly covered in dog hair since they have 3 very large dogs. The one dog is very old and pees everywhere, so the floors are always sticky and gross from dog pee. Hes in a band that tours fairly often, putting him on the road for weeks at a time. When they are not touring, they play shows roughly 3-4 nights a week, so he usually isnt home until 4 am, and sleeps until 1-2 pm. His mom works an hour away as an elementary school principal, and puts in 60 hours a week, and his step dad works two jobs also an hour away, and usually doesnt return home until almost 9 pm daily. 

I dont know if BD is just trying to scare me, but he said he has hired an attorney (which i dont have, nor do i have the extra cash for) and the attorney said he can in fact be awarded joint custody of our son. I don't have a problem with BD seeing DS as often as he can/wants, but I do have a problem with a situation of joint custody. BD thinks 50% of DS's time should be spent at his house. This concerns me because of the state the home is in, and the lack of attention DS will receive over there. I just want DS to grow up in a stable environment and not be shuffled around constantly. 

Will he really be able to get joint custody? Am I being unreasonable? I know I just need to calm down, but this situation has me very anxious. I dont want my son to feel neglected.