Auntie

hopanka

I wanted to let you know I read your helpful reply and want to thank you. I'm writing it here, as I don't want to completely hijack Breezy's post and plus it's a little further down now anway.

It always helps to take a step back and look at it from a different point of view. You know, you may be on to something with the personal space and transition time. What seems to me like him constantly cowaring down to other kids and not being confident enough to claim his rightful space, may be just what he prefers because it helps him be more successful and more relaxed...last place really does give him more room (nobody breathing down his neck) and plus he has a chance to observe what's really expected from him (auditory processing). Sensei gives instruction in a conversational speed and tone of voice, which may not always click right away within his brain. I can often see him looking to the left and to the right and look for clues what other kids are doing and then copying it (much like somebody who is a foreigner and doesn't understand what the instructor is saying). When he's the last in line, it gives him a chance to observe a few kids first and then he's able to perform as well. Practicing and repetition at home (H built our own private dojo for this purpose in our spare room, lol) also helps and so he's really only lost when they are learning a new skill.

As far as belt order and the face blindness....I'm not sure. I THINK he knows what the order is, he definitely notices what color belts the other kids have and what he has. He talks about it. He knows that green comes next, if he passes his next test. So, intellectually - he knows. When Sensei corrects him, he knows where to go....behind green belts and in front of yellow and white belts. Yet, yesterday's class....he placed himself in the back row again...with the white belts. It could also be that the white belts are smaller, more timid (they are not as confident because they don't know anything yet, so they're not "in his face" and he likes it). The higher order belts are boys/girls that know their stuff and they may be a little intimidating perhaps.

Anyway, not to overanalyze this....thank you for letting me see it from his point of view. This actually helps ME, psychologically. You're right, this part of Holland is my challenge, also. I was never like this myself as a kid, so it's hard to relate and most men in my family are the typical "alpha males", so dealing with this sensitive, delicate being that is my son comes with a challenge for me. I love him to death, though....and I'm slowly getting to a place where I can almost say "I wouldn't want him any other way". That is big for me, because I never before understood that statement. I was always like:"Wha? Of course, I WOULD want it some other way....I would want him typical, confident, healthy and thriving!" I am starting to get the statement, though. I do love him the way it is. His timidness makes him lovable and its' sweet.

To add a positive side to this whole karate thing...he had a huge breakthrough yesterday. They were suppossed to break into pairs for sparing - on their own. Normally, it's awkward, all the kids pick their friends, DS retreats into a corner, looking around as there's nobody left and finally Sensei picks somebody for him. This time, however, he goes up to a boy (his own belt rank) and says...though in a shy voice: "I think I'm gonna pick you". With perfect eye contact. Aaaand - the boy obliged!

HUGE!!! My heart melted. This is really a gigantic step forward!!

PS: You're pregnant again...your avatar shows it, so it must be true.