do the courts consider a stay-at-home stepmom more "fit" than a single working mom?

moonmama3

i am wondering if anyone has any knowledge of how the courts think about this topic, in regard to "the child's welfare." 

i'm 20 weeks pregnant.  i live in california and the father lives in new jersey.  we were in a long-distance relationship, but since i got pregnant he has freaked out, decided he wants nothing to do with this baby, and (at the same time) decided to get back together with his ex when i was 9 weeks along (i know, he's a real prize). they are now engaged, less than 3 months later.

he does not want to have to pay child support for our daughter and, when i finally said, you know what, i'm sorry but that's the law, started to threaten that if i try to get him to pay anything, he will file for sole custody, and take my baby away from me... across the country.  he is saying that because his fiance will be able to stay at home (because he will be supporting her) and i will have to work (because i am single), the court will consider them to be the more "fit" parents, and will say that it is better for my daughter's welfare to live with them instead of me.  basically it is a very thinly veiled threat not to file for child support by scaring the bejeezus out of a hormonal pregnant woman. 

and i'm trying not to be scared, after all, this seems ridiculous to me, especially that the court would consider him a fit parent after he abandoned me while pregnant, refuses to have anything to do with his daughter, won't even be there for her birth, and is fighting child support.

but at the same time, not knowing a lot about the family law system, it seems to me that IF the courts consider it a better living environment for a child to have a stay at home parent, he might be right? everything i've read about custody says they consider the welfare of the child first.

does anyone know how they calculate the welfare of the child in cases like this?  it seems to me that can't be right, or else every working mom would lose their children to stay at home stepmoms.  but i think most dads wouldn't be as vindictive as this one is, so maybe that's why we don't see it that often.

i'm going to consult with a family law attorney, but i can't get an appointment for a little bit and i was wondering if any of you had any real life experience with all this.