ASD moms, Auntie, I need your help - SN discrimination?

SteelCityBride

I haven't been on this board in awhile & some of you may not know me. Auntie, you helped me get help for my son some time ago.

Background: my SS Matthew is in 1st grade & has Aspergers. He's in a mainstream classroom & has a 504 plan (working on getting IEP). Like many Aspie's he is akward socially & does not make friends easily. He has one close friend at school who he also rides the bus with. Matthew looks forward to seeing this friend every day. It's the only thing that calms him down in the morning when he is panicky & melting down due to the stress of getting ready for school. 

A couple of months ago I was speaking with the guidance councelor & she mentioned that Friend's parents were concerned because Friend started hitting himself in the head & making self depreciating statements ("I'm bad", "I can't do anything right", "I'm the worst guy ever"). These are some things that Matthew does.

Fast-forward to today, I get a call from the guidance councelor saying that Friend's parents came in two weeks ago & are even more concerned with the behaviors they are seeing in their child. Again, I guess he is mimicking Matthew. The guidance councelor met with Friend & she said that Friend said "I'm acting like Matthew & I'm having trouble stopping" They agreed that maybe it was better if Friend hung around some other kids in the classroom & not just Matthew. This is all fine.

But then she said that they have been doing things to "gently" keep the children apart. They are redirecting them at lunch by having Matthew sit down first & putting two other children next to him so when Friend gets there, there are no seats left for him to sit by Matthew. At recess they direct the kids to play with other kids instead of each other by saying, "Hey Friend, it looks like Johnny needs a partner, Matthew, you should be partners with Jimmy."  And when they get on the bus in the afternoon they make Matthew get on first & Friend get on after him so that he can sit in a different seat & Matthew can't chose to sit with him.

I expressed to the councelor on the phone that while I understand their concerns for their child (and I whole-heartedly do), that I have some serious concerns for how this is going to affect Matthew.

And now that I've had some time to mull it over & talk to DH about it (who is fuming, by the way) I'm extremely pissed about the situation. It feels like he's being discriminated against for something that is not his fault. He doesn't do these things on purpose & receives therapy in our home twice a week where we work on these kinds of things. But they are isolating him from his friend because he is different. If there were a deaf child in his class & Matthew came home only using sign language & wouldn't speak, I couldn't call the school & say "Please keep my child away from the deaf child because it's making him not speak." I'd have to address the issue with my child.  How is this any different?

Am I being overly sensitive here? And if not, what do I do? What are my rights? Who do I turn to?

I can't control what the parents tell their child & if they tell him not to hang out with Matthew, then that's fine, but for the school to intervene like this?!  It just seems to me that they are overstepping their boundaries in a big way.  Please help me!