Help! Baby Shower?

cdale86

Ladies, I need your help/advice.  Most of you probably know our story/what's going on with the babies.  Short story:  We are expecting twins.  A healthy baby girl and baby boy with a giant omphalocele and diaphragmatic hernia.  Drs are not sure baby boy will make it through the pregnancy (he's been quite active this weekend!) and stated that survival is "nearly impossible' at birth.

As all you PAIFs know, this was such a long journey and we all probably want to celebrate our pregnancies/babies even more than fertiles.  I feel like we have had so much taken from us with IF (the excitement behind TTC, actually making a baby in the bedroom, etc, etc, etc).  Unfortunately, I feel like we have had even more stripped/taken from us with this pregnancy bc of these diagnoses in baby boy.  Hitting 2nd tri or V-day have not been milestones as they don't change the prognosis.  We had exactly 3 weeks (week 9-12) to be genuinely excited about this pregnancy without rational fear.  

Anyways, the whole baby shower thing has been stressing me out.  My mom asked me about it this weekend.  I really want to have a shower before the babies but also I really don't.  I want to be normal and celebrate these babies with my family/close friends (we are still excited!).  How can I have a shower and pretend like everything is ok when it's not?  I want to have the excitement to open up presents and "ooh" and "aaah" over everything.  I know people want to buy us stuff.  We also do need stuff!!  I would love to get super cute girl clothes, but I can't handle getting boy clothes because the outcome will likely not be good.  I know we could do showers after birth which will probably happen.  I know of 4 separate showers that people want to throw.  I was just thinking family before might be OK, but I still don't know.  Even if we only have baby girl in the end, I can't help but imagine her baby book with pictures of her super preggo mommy at her baby shower.  HELP!  I am completely torn over what to do and how to handle this.  I don't want to be stripped of having a baby shower too.

 P.S.  I plan on making an appt with a counselor to help deal with emotions surrounding everything going on.  I will probably ask about how to deal with this as well.