Sad Post :( (m/c)

2MamazInSeattle

Hi all,

I hated reading posts like this but still I feel a part of this board and wanted to share our sad news.

Yesterday, we learned that our baby boy stopped growing this past Monday at 15w4d - yesterday was 16w1d. It was diagnosed a missed m/c as I had no cramping or bleeding. My at-home doppler tipped me off after I couldn't find his hb for two days, yesterday spending a good 10 minutes twice with no luck. I never freaked out on the doppler as it just wasn't always easy to find - but after that effort, I called to be checked.

I went in figuring they were just placating a crazy FTM, but no hb was found, and the in-office ultrasound cart showed no movement. Since it was late Friday, I had to go to the ER nearby for a formal diagnosis. That was brutal - the ultrasound showed a very still baby and clearly had no hb. I think it helped me and my partner to see it though, as it made what felt shocking and unbelieveable totally undeniable and real.

I've been referred to the MFM docs at UWashington for the procedure (required since I was in the second tri) and potential testing to hopefully uncover a cause. My hope is the cause is a fluke, or that it is undetermined - I'm so scared they'll tell me "you'll never carry a baby to term." This is my first loss, and I know many of you have gone through this many times (which I now understand in a way I couldn't before), so i know you understand this fear.

We hope to try again as soon as we're allowed - but we were so crazy about our little man and I still feel so connected to him now, even though I know he's gone. I'm glad I didn't have to rush to the D&E and I have a few days to say goodbye to him.

Thanks for listening and I hope I'll be back here soon!