~*~Ethansmommy18~*~

ncchnat

http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/69555456.aspx 

 

Excuse me? How dare you judge someone else for not wanting to post on Facebook about a new pregnancy after a loss! How dare you judge when you know nothing about this woman's situation and obviously nothing about the pain of losing a child!

Just for your information, my husband and I were together for six and half years before we got married and were married four before we started trying to have a child. We wanted my husband to be done with his PhD and for us to be financially independent. He's now in his second year as a college professor and I work freelance and take care of our home. We're financially independent

Yet, after losing our first baby, people said a lot of mean, hurtful, stupid things. Kind of like you, most of it came from people who had no freaking clue how hard and ugly pregnancy loss is. It didn't matter that we were in a "good" situation. People say stupid crap because they don't get it and they judge because of their damn holier-than-thou attitudes (which your reply to a thoughtful response sharing a hurt woman's story just drips with.)

Think next time before you type. What you said was incredibly out-of-line and hurtful to anyone who has ever lost a child or even chosen to have a child outside of a "normal" family situation.

And as for "just enjoying the pregnancy", again, you have no freaking clue! You have no idea what it's like to overanalyze every single twinge and cramp. You have no idea what it's like to be frightened to go to the bathroom and to examine the toilet paper every single time to make sure that there's no blood. You have no idea what it's like to be scared that you may never have a take-home baby because your first and only pregnancy (or several pregnancies) ended in loss or that you'll never bring home a sibling for a child you've already had. You will never know how much those of us who have had losses mourn the innocence and naivete that those who haven't had a loss take for granted. I hope you never know. I wouldn't wish the hell of loss and the rollercoaster of being pregnant after a loss on my worst enemy.

So what if she doesn't want to post on Facebook yet? I don't either. Get off your damn high horse and realize that not everyone is like you. I think it's great that there are other loss moms out there who are comfortable posting on Facebook, but that's not for me and that's not for a lot of women like us.

 

Before someone jumps me because they think that this call-out is unneeded, I don't give a rat's a$$. This woman was incredibly out of line and judgmental and she owes an apology to the woman she responded to and maybe to any other loss moms she may have offended. And yes, I'm offended by something someone posted on the internet. It's attitudes like hers (and the morons who say stupid, hurtful things after a loss instead of a simple "I'm sorry.") that make it so hard for women to open up about their losses and the awful experiences they have. Over 20 percent of pregnancies end in a loss; there are a lot of us out there.