struggling and feeling guilty.

RTaylor12

I'm having trouble keeping enough of a supply for breastfeeding, and I'm not sure if I want to do this anymore.

For those who don't remember, I made a major mistake in the beginning of Sept by starting DD on formula bottles, 2 a day. I had prematurely decided to exclusively FF and changed my mind last minute. Ever since, I've still been producing, but not enough, and having to pump at work instead of directly BFing hasn't helped. 

I would ask for more help with how to increase my supply, but the truth is, I already know the answers and I really don't care to try anymore. Trying to keep up with work, DD, keeping a presentable house, and attempting to maintain some type of social life and relationship with DH is exhausting. I'm SO sick of adding in all these things that I have to do to maintain my meager supply. I hate eating breakfast, yet I've been choking down oatmeal every morning and hating every minute of it. I've been taking liquid fenugreek which, as jfresh so eloquently described it, tastes like maple syrup flavored everclear and hasn't helped my supply as much as I'd hoped. I drink water all day and as a result I pee almost as much as I did while pregnant. I miss out on sales at work due to pumping. All of this, and I'm still having to supplement formula after she eats, and she seems fussy and impatient with breastfeeding these days. You and me both, kiddo.

I feel guilty because I LOVED breastfeeding...but only when it was easier. It doesn't seem as if DD or I are getting much benefit from it anymore, and it's only cramming more stuff to worry about into my already hectic schedule. But I still feel guilty at the thought of giving up. I hate the thought of spending money on more formula because I'm too lazy to keep up my supply. The thought of losing the bonding aspect of BFing saddens me. 

Ugh. If you read all of this, thanks. I'm not really in need of advice, really. I guess I just wanted to whine. I feel like I need some kind of "permission" to go all-formula, even though I know what the logical decision is.