PPD/A

Meow84

This is a vent and PSA for anyone who might be in the same boat. I've been open on here about my anxiety issues that I've had since I was about 19. With medication, I've gone years with it managed and honestly forgot that I even had it. Pregnancy hormones threw me for a loop, as did the baby blues but after a while I felt better, or so I thought.

I went to see my PCP today for my regular checkup that is required for her to prescribe the Zoloft. After talking with her, she diagnosed me with mild PPD with anxiety and increased my medication (I've been on the same dose for 9 years). I also had to get bloodwork done to make sure PP hormones haven't messed up my thyroid, which can cause symptoms of anxiety and depression.

It was just a huge wake up call when I was sitting there explaining all my symptoms that I had just started to think of as my normal. As soon as I said them out loud, I was surprised at how many things I've just chalked up to being a new mom and not realizing that's its a little more than that since I've kind of been in my maternity leave bubble. I've had several lash outs at DH and I'm always feeling irritable, on edge, with racing thoughts of everything I "need" to do. When DD cries or reflux acts up, I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. I kept getting mad when DH told me I've been really mean/crabby lately but looking back on it, he is right.  There's so many other things that I won't list off, but my point is that I just didn't realize how bad it'd gotten. Getting ready to go back to work on Monday has kinda increased it all to a whole new level.

As a mental health professional, I'm ashamed to say that I felt embarrassed to see the diagnosis on my checkout form when leaving the doctor's office. I know I shouldn't care, but I can't help it. I'm the one who is supposed to be helping people and it makes me feel almost like a hypocrite/fake that I'm dealing with this.

Anyway, just wanted to share and tell anyone who doesn't feel like themselves to talk to your doctor!