Everyone's excited but me

bearkatjen

My parents, in-laws and DH are all super excited about our surprise baby on the way, but I feel very blah about it all. I've been a SAHM for 3.5 years and I've so been looking forward to returning to work soon. I accepted one of my top job choices yesterday and I am so eager to begin. I hated pregnancy with DS, and I'm loathing feeling like crap, while I'm adjusting to this new position and to life as a working mom. DH and I were going to pay down college loans and save a sizable down-payment on a house over the next two years. We were going to start traveling more. When DS was born, I put my life on pause for two years and then slowly started to reclaim it the third year, I don't want to re-pause my life again.

I know it's selfish, and I do feel tinges of excitement here and there, so I'm sure my heart and mind will get with the program. I just feel sad that I've had this sudden interruption in my life plan. I know a big part of what I am feeling is tied up with my memories of pregnancy (the best day of my pregnancy was the day I gave birth). I felt so crappy all the time and it impacted every part of my life. Yesterday night my boobs started feeling heavier, and I noticed my veins on my chest and breast are becoming more apparent, and I absolutely hate that I can already feel the effects of this pregnancy.