No more children, not by choice (vent)

Chelsey68

So it looks like this baby will be my last one Im having a really hard time excepting it and feel like im being completely selfish. Some people cant even have one baby and i am fortunate enough to have one healthy 3 year old and another boy on the way. 

I am in the process of getting the actual diagnosis but it seems i have SPD (symphysis pubis dysfunction) I have found very few people who know what it is. I basically have been pregnant alot in the past 5 years (a couple miscarriages before and in between) so now my body is putting out to much of the relaxin hormone and my hips have come unaligned and my ligaments are all messed up. Im to the point where i hardly leave my house, but from other stories ive came across im lucky to still be walking. Anyway alot of times when people give birth there pelvis will split in half leading to a lifetime of problems and the loss of the ability to walk. When i walk and move around at night my back pops and cracks. They tried putting me in physio but thats just screwing up my other joints.

So anyway im seeing a doctor today and hopefully he will have some knowledge on this, but pretty much they say every pregnancy it gets worse and your chances of walking afterward lessen.

So the realistic thing to do would be get my tubes tied, except this and focus on the two children i am lucky enough to have. Well i am having a very hard time doing this. Its eating at me, im only 24 and dont even make the age requirement for a tubal. I thought i had 10 more years to decide how many kids i want and now i feel like i dont have a choice. Obviously gonna see a few more doctors but its really getting hard for me to cope with this. I feel like i should just be lucky to have any kids but instead im screaming wanting more. 

Any advice how to except this and move on?