Another vent (sry!).... Mother = Pure Evil?

lpichach

Sorry, it seems liek today is venting day, so i thought I'd pop mine in there! lol

Again, please don't waste your time reading if you are sick of these and don't really give a hoot....

My mom is a terribly heinous and bitter woman.  Yes, seems harsh, but there?s no other way to describe her than that; believe me, I wish I didn?t have to call her such terrible things and I would love to speak nothing but kind words about her, but time and time again has reassured me of this.  I am third of four children, sprawled over 10 years (basically like middle child as my older siblings are 4 and 5 yrs older and the youngest is 5 years younger). Without dragging this on, my mom is very childish; her behaviour is best explained by comparing to a 14-16 year old girl in school. She is very selfish, doesn?t think, is inconsiderate, never apologizes or thinks she?s at fault, and its everyone else that has to ?be the bigger person? when around her? and everyone knows it.  The only time you can have a good conversation or relationship with her, is when she gets to vent, or you get to complain about something together and be negative. I hate it! I live each day thinking how lucky I am to have what I have, an amazing husband, good health, and we?re happy.  I hate being negative, arguing, holding grudges, etc?. and hence I have been forming a more distant relationship with my mother. Although I go through these periods of trying to ?re-kindle the bond? and invite her out shopping, or over for dinner, call her, etc etc? but it still ends up back in the same place.  I?m thinking where it all stems is that I am very independent, and don?t need my mother for every little thing as my siblings do; I think she resents me for that because she loves to be needed. 

I?m 25, a professional engineer, I am married, and have been with my husband for 5 years, we are very similar in personalities, very outgoing, strong, and independent. We both have a great job, have been able to support ourselves, own a home, etc etc.  When I first told my parents I was pregnant, my mother?s response was ?what? Really? Is this serious? Is this a joke? Were you trying?? (in a not so excited tone)?. This was basically the last conversation regarding me being pregnant that we had (this was in October, and I only told her this early because I thought I miscarried and for some reason was hoping to find support). Her response actually reminded me of when I was thrilled and told her I was engaged years before,  ?really?...ooo?. well that?s nice, I guess?? (again, no excitement). But, anyways, me telling her I was pregnant ended at that, I was very hurt, and later told them how hurt I was, my mother continued to defend herself saying that ?she?s just worried about my health?.. I have been an insomniac for many years? but okay, I accepted it and said I understood and appreciated her concern. I then continued to try and do things with her, go shopping, have her over for dinner (again trying to do the ?re-kindling?), and she continues to have a very negative, and has such a tense presence. Never anything positive comes out of her mouth and she?s never asked anything about my pregnancy, not even a ?how are you feeling?? so my DH and I try to bring the baby topic up and get her talking about it with no-success (this is pretty much the same for any topic). 

For Christmas we decided to make one last attempt and create better bond with her (this is an ongoing 5 year repeat thing.. you?d think we?d have learned by now). I spent the holidays, all 12 days with my parents in Phoenix, took them golfing and out for dinner. Again no mention ever from her asking anything about me and the pregnancy. Basically the only way she?d talk to me is if I?d try and start up a conversation and it would quickly be shut down.  I don?t really know what to do. Part of me is wants to repeatedly try again because you know how great it is supposed to be with a supportive mom, but I?m thinking I should just accept reality and leave it already! This will be their second grandchild, my older brother just had their first at Christmas.

Get this, my older sister (she?s basically mini-mom, same terrible personalities) is getting married this summer (a whole other story? such a messed up family I have), and this past weekend my sister went to try on wedding dresses (she lives about an hour away). So I completely forgot about this (pregnancy brain is killing me lately!), but found out that my mother and her friend drove and attended the dress fitting. I never had a call or anything? you?d think I should have gotten one. And the only way we found out was because my DH and I decided to ?suck-it up? and go visit my parents, and she wasn?t there!

Sorry for the vent, but does anyone have any thoughts, maybe i'm not seeing this the right way? Should I, the pregnant daughter (FTM), as always, be the bigger person to my mom? it?s so mentally and emotionally draining?