differences between DH and I magnified

SunAndRain

DH and I are very different. I was raised in a liberal big city (NYC) and he was raised in a small town.  We are disagreeing about a lot and I'm growing tired of all the arguing.  Last night he tells me that he went to look for a compound bow and mentioned to the salesman that he might not have much time for archery with a child on the way.  The guy tells him that he can just shoot it in DHs backyard.

I told DH that I would not be comfortable with a compound bow being fired near our house.  Conversation went on and on debating the safety to us and our neighbors of shooting a compound bow in a residential neighborhood.  Went on to DH accusing me of always having to have my way.  I told him that when it came to the safety of our child then yes, I would not bend!

Argument became increasingly heated with no progress and finally I started crying (a new thing for me - I think I cried once in our 6 years of marriage before getting pregnant) and told him to leave me alone, which he did. He came back a while later to apologise but I just told him that I just didn't have the energy to argue and debate things like the safety of weapons in our backyard.  I refuse to spend energy on it. 

And I resented that DH put me in the bubble-burst-er position every time he had a new great idea because he couldn't be bothered to think through the possible ramifications of his choices.  I don't want to be the safety police of our household.  I want to be a team but I don't think he is taking responsibility.

DH said that he isn't a planner like I am.  I told him that was BS.  He was making all sorts of plans for his compound bow but when it came to our baby he couldn't be bothered to so much as crack open a book.  He thinks he'll just learn as he goes, which I agree with, but I also believe that it is wise to try to prepare some to know what to expect.  I do believe that no matter how much reading you do you won't ever really e fully prepared, but I imagine there are some things that would be good to know.  I don't expect him to be as interested in all this prenatal stuff as I am, but he hasn't planned for a single thing.  Anyway, my point was that he DOES plan...for what is important to him.  So what about planning a bit for the baby?

I mentioned mid-way through our conversation before things got heated that we might want to go to counseling but he said he didn't want to and that he just wanted to work things out between us.

I appreciate that he apologized but the thing is that I fell like it is a pattern and I just don't want to go down this path any more. 

I actually told DH that I would NEVER be comfortable with or agreeable to weapons or firearms being fired on our property no matter how much land we had and it was that important to him then we could live apart.  DH was angered by my comment but this is where I am at: bring that *** in to our home and I will take our child somewhere safe.

And regarding the merits of firearm safety.  This isn't a judgement so much as a "way I was raised" thing and I just don't feel firearms are a necessary hobby with a child in the house.  Find another hobby. Plus DH jumps from hobby to hobby and I actually asked him if it was really worth all this arguing for something he was going to give up in 3 or 5 years.

I'd rather spend our time working on a budget, shopping for baby furniture, discussing whether we want to put savings away for college, then on DH's fleeting hobbies.  I want to arguing to end.  What am I missing?