Just feel very alone (long sorry)

Gabsar

As I have said on this board before, almost all of my friends are childless and big on going to bars and drinking. My husband is very unsupportive and wants me to go out all the time and hang out at bars and with all my friends whose only hobby is drinking. He says I am pushing all my friends away and becoming a hermit and its all my fault. I just feel alone, depressed and just sad. My friends want me to join them in their normal fun instead of making an effort to do things that don't invovle drinking, I try to say lets go out to dinner and they say no lets meet up for drinks at the martini bar. and my husband says I am the one not making an effort.  I don't know how to express all the things I feel he doesn't understand, or how to say he doesn't support me. He's not abusive or anything like that. He just is so overly stubburn and so selfish sometimes. I just feel like he doesn't TRY to understand me or what I am going through. All he keeps saying is " you are the only pregnant person in the world that hates being pregnant, that misses drinking and can't wait to not be pregnant, every other pregnant person loves being pregnant, the glow and all that sh*t, but not you, you are just miserable" Of course I am going to love my child, I can't wait to meet my Child. I just always pictured myself adopting. I wasn't one of those girls who dreamed of being pregnant, I always thought I couldn't (lots of medical problems) and I just wanted to adopt once I was in my late 30's. This pregnancy was a surprise (another thing my husband hates me telling people its a suprise= its a mistake in his eyes) he just doesn't understand. I miss my old life. I miss soicalizing at a bar around adults. I miss not feeling hormonal and uncomfortable everyday, I miss sleeping through the night and not having to pee every few hours. I miss my pants fitting and my clothes fitting. I miss wear high heels. He thinks that I hate this child just because I am not adjusting well to pregnancy. I don't know how to express to him that I am depressed but I don't know how to control it ( i am already on medication for depression and aniexty) and that I love LO, i just don't know how to life this subdued life. This life of being tired 24/7 and just getting stressed easy and being bitchy when I don't want to be. I just feel lost and alone. Like maybe I am the worse pregnant mom to be every because i'm not loving pregnancy. I don't know. like i said I am just confused.